SCORE ONE FOR US GUYS

by **Old Timer** Sun May 31, 2009 9:36 am

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill
Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.... AINT THAT THE TRUTH. Very Happy

by **PaulM** Sun May 31, 2009 9:42 am

VERY FUNNY!!!!

(and very true)

by **Old Timer** Sun May 31, 2009 9:50 am

PaulM wrote:

VERY FUNNY!!!!

(and very true)

Yup, and I would be willing to bet I am in trouble with you know who. hehehehe Very Happy

by **HotParadox** Sun May 31, 2009 9:53 am

oh brother. i can't wait to find a woman's version somewhere. oh ya, btw, you got #6 right-except for the beer part. get your own, big boy.

by coontie Sun May 31, 2009 3:13 pm

That 'ought'a knot their undies! Mad

by **Old Timer** Sun May 31, 2009 4:07 pm

And another for us guys.

The Key to Every Woman's Heart
A group of girlfriends go on vacation and see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads "for women only." Since they are without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.

The doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you're looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's on that floor. The only rule is, once you leave a floor, you can't return to it."
The women talk it over and decide to go for it.

They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are kind and sensitive."

The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly."

This wasn't going to do, so again they head for the stairs.

The friends move up to the third floor where the sign reads "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women."

This was good but there are still two more floors so.........

So on to the fourth floor, and this sign seems perfect. "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight."

The women are really pleased, but they decide that they would rather see what the FIFTH floor has to offer before they settle.

When they reach the fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is simply no way to please a woman." Very Happy

by **CarolinaHound** Sun May 31, 2009 8:12 pm

Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
----------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- --------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
Until they can walk down the street with a bald head
And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
To the select few women who can handle it!

Very Happy

by coontie Sun May 31, 2009 9:50 pm

Mannnnn... you're really ask'n 4 it! Mad

By the way, where's Peregrine? She quit on us???

by DM007 Mon Jun 01, 2009 2:25 am

A man and his wife are talking one day.
She says, "My boobs are too small."
He says, "They're fine".
She says, "No. I want a boob job."
He says, "We can't afford it."
She says, "I know, but I want to do something about it."
He says, "I've read of some methods to help, and they don't involve surgery or lots of money."
She says, "Really? What did you read?"
He says, "One of the best, most proved methods, is to use toilet paper."
She says, "That went out in grade school. I'm not stuffing my bra."
He says, "No. You rub the paper between your boobs, a couple times a day."
She says, "Really? And it helps?"
He says, "Yep. It's proven."
*a week goes by*
She, while getting dressed, says she's been doing the TP thing, and hasn't noticed any improvement.
He says, "Your boobs are fine."
She says, "I've been using the treatment we talked about, and it hasn't helped one bit."
He says, "I don't understand why not. It worked really well on your butt."

by **HotParadox** Mon Jun 01, 2009 8:43 am

oh you guys are bad. pig

by **Old Timer** Mon Jun 01, 2009 9:15 am

HotParadox wrote:oh you guys are bad.

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better. Very Happy

by **Peregrine(Endangered)** Mon Jun 01, 2009 9:31 am

coontie wrote:Mannnnn... you're really ask'n 4 it!
By the way, where's Peregrine? She quit on us???

Aren't you sweet to notice. I'm still around now and then. Been busy gardening but the worst is over so I can relax awhile.

by **Old Timer** Mon Jun 01, 2009 9:35 am

Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:
coontie wrote:Mannnnn... you're really ask'n 4 it!
By the way, where's Peregrine? She quit on us???

Aren't you sweet to notice. I'm still around now and then. Been busy gardening but the worst is over so I can relax awhile.

Well we sure do miss you here sweetie, welcome back Very Happy

by **Old Timer** Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:54 am

[edit] The Clubs and Clubbing
Back in the stone age, getting a girl was a far less tricky business than it is these days. Thanks to man's superior physical strength and the use of a large wooden club correctly applied to the head of a potential mate, his scoring success was significantly improved. Just so long as no one else clubbed her first, and even if they did, no one really cared anyway.
Very Happy

by Big Slick Mon Jun 01, 2009 12:30 pm

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you done told her twice.

by Big Slick Mon Jun 01, 2009 12:37 pm

Old Timer wrote:BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill
Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.... AINT THAT THE TRUTH.

OT, I don't know how you guys do it up there in WHY-oming. But down here in Texas, where we make REAL BBQ...I shop for my own meat. I season my own meat, because I want to make sure it's done right. Then I start the pit early in the morning so I can slow smoke my meat for hours. No one tells me my meat is burning. No one else is allowed to touch it. Then when I take it off the grill 4-8 hours later (depending what it is), it's fall off the bone tender.

That's how real Texans make real BBQ. You ever want some tips let me know and I'll PM you. Very Happy

by coontie Mon Jun 01, 2009 1:31 pm

Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:
coontie wrote:Mannnnn... you're really ask'n 4 it!
By the way, where's Peregrine? She quit on us???

Aren't you sweet to notice. I'm still around now and then. Been busy gardening but the worst is over so I can relax awhile.

Have my Garden in as well. Doing good! I want to plant more, but then a small voice in my head says: don't forget that July and August are coming and the plants need watering about every other day!
Really, the economics aren't there; time, money to buy plants, eatering and so on. But it is certainly worthwhile watching things grow and perhaps getting some before the bugs get it all, as I avoid pesticides...
ANYHOW, GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU PEREGRINE...

by coontie Mon Jun 01, 2009 1:38 pm

DM007 wrote:A man and his wife are talking one day.
She says, "My boobs are too small."
He says, "They're fine".
She says, "No. I want a boob job."
He says, "We can't afford it."
She says, "I know, but I want to do something about it."
He says, "I've read of some methods to help, and they don't involve surgery or lots of money."
She says, "Really? What did you read?"
He says, "One of the best, most proved methods, is to use toilet paper."
She says, "That went out in grade school. I'm not stuffing my bra."
He says, "No. You rub the paper between your boobs, a couple times a day."
She says, "Really? And it helps?"
He says, "Yep. It's proven."
*a week goes by*
She, while getting dressed, says she's been doing the TP thing, and hasn't noticed any improvement.
He says, "Your boobs are fine."
She says, "I've been using the treatment we talked about, and it hasn't helped one bit."
He says, "I don't understand why not. It worked really well on your butt."

Mannnn... ROTFLOL!!! that is too funny. I know a woman at the shop that needs to see this, but even though it is true she would hate me forever... as she has a bif time grudge against men anyhow. She's went through two and they didn't work out. Says she cannot figure it out [it is the other person of course] sometimes I feel like recording her when she mouths off and play it back to her, then ask her: "do you get it now? Butt [ Razz

] she wouldn't undderstand. Her Butt is big and fat because her favorite pastime is: 1) sitting on it as much as possible; 2) eating as much as possible. Actually, a 3rd problem; she's lazy and doesn't exert herself or exercise.

by **Peregrine(Endangered)** Mon Jun 01, 2009 1:39 pm

We start most of our plants inside from seeds....but in Louisiana, you can sow them directly into the garden...cheaper than buying plants....give it a try next time. a yellow pepper at the supermarket is $2.79#...mine will be less than $.50#...that looks like a savings Very Happy

by coontie Mon Jun 01, 2009 1:52 pm

Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:We start most of our plants inside from seeds....but in Louisiana, you can sow them directly into the garden...cheaper than buying plants....give it a try next time. a yellow pepper at the supermarket is $2.79#...mine will be less than $.50#...that looks like a savings

I do sow some of my seeds for plants... I wanted to try three new varities of Tomatos, so I planted these in vermiculite in peat cups in a starter planting area I prepared. WHen they emerged to about three inch plants I transplanted them. With many things though, I juist have to buy the plants as I have so much other things to deal with that I lose out on getting things going early enough to get plants from seed before the season is over. I did have good luck with Collards and Turnips planted from seed. We ate quite a bit from that. I understand that many Northern people don't like eating 'Greens".

by **Old Timer** Mon Jun 01, 2009 7:04 pm

Make love, not war - hell, do both, get married!

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished...

Marriage is much like communism, it works best in theory. Very Happy

by **HotParadox** Mon Jun 01, 2009 7:22 pm

coontie wrote:
DM007 wrote:A man and his wife are talking one day.
She says, "My boobs are too small."
He says, "They're fine".
She says, "No. I want a boob job."
He says, "We can't afford it."
She says, "I know, but I want to do something about it."
He says, "I've read of some methods to help, and they don't involve surgery or lots of money."
She says, "Really? What did you read?"
He says, "One of the best, most proved methods, is to use toilet paper."
She says, "That went out in grade school. I'm not stuffing my bra."
He says, "No. You rub the paper between your boobs, a couple times a day."
She says, "Really? And it helps?"
He says, "Yep. It's proven."
*a week goes by*
She, while getting dressed, says she's been doing the TP thing, and hasn't noticed any improvement.
He says, "Your boobs are fine."
She says, "I've been using the treatment we talked about, and it hasn't helped one bit."
He says, "I don't understand why not. It worked really well on your butt."

Mannnn... ROTFLOL!!! that is too funny. I know a woman at the shop that needs to see this, but even though it is true she would hate me forever... as she has a bif time grudge against men anyhow. She's went through two and they didn't work out. Says she cannot figure it out [it is the other person of course] sometimes I feel like recording her when she mouths off and play it back to her, then ask her: "do you get it now? Butt [ ] she wouldn't undderstand. Her Butt is big and fat because her favorite pastime is: 1) sitting on it as much as possible; 2) eating as much as possible. Actually, a 3rd problem; she's lazy and doesn't exert herself or exercise.

too funny! Very Happy

by **HotParadox** Mon Jun 01, 2009 7:25 pm

Big Slick wrote:
Old Timer wrote:BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill
Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.... AINT THAT THE TRUTH.

OT, I don't know how you guys do it up there in WHY-oming. But down here in Texas, where we make REAL BBQ...I shop for my own meat. I season my own meat, because I want to make sure it's done right. Then I start the pit early in the morning so I can slow smoke my meat for hours. No one tells me my meat is burning. No one else is allowed to touch it. Then when I take it off the grill 4-8 hours later (depending what it is), it's fall off the bone tender.

That's how real Texans make real BBQ. You ever want some tips let me know and I'll PM you.

oh man, i'm glad we're on the same cook-off team. you rock Like a Star @ heaven

...don't give ot any tips till we win this thing.

by **CarolinaHound** Mon Jun 01, 2009 7:30 pm

If you aint from Carolina you don't know how to make BBQ! Very Happy

by **Old Timer** Mon Jun 01, 2009 7:37 pm

HotParadox wrote:
Big Slick wrote:
Old Timer wrote:BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill
Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.... AINT THAT THE TRUTH.

OT, I don't know how you guys do it up there in WHY-oming. But down here in Texas, where we make REAL BBQ...I shop for my own meat. I season my own meat, because I want to make sure it's done right. Then I start the pit early in the morning so I can slow smoke my meat for hours. No one tells me my meat is burning. No one else is allowed to touch it. Then when I take it off the grill 4-8 hours later (depending what it is), it's fall off the bone tender.

That's how real Texans make real BBQ. You ever want some tips let me know and I'll PM you.
oh man, i'm glad we're on the same cook-off team. you rock ...don't give ot any tips till we win this thing.

If you actually think that is how I would do it, hehehehehe This old timer really don't need any tips as HP can attest to as she has tried some of my own recipes. And buddy I will match my BBQ ribs or whatever against anybodys at anytime as well as I would match my lasagna against HP's or anyones but that takes me three days to cook. and this here old man is a good old boy from southern Missouri that has been displaced.

by **Kazza** Mon Jun 01, 2009 8:08 pm

CarolinaHound wrote:If you aint from Carolina you don't know how to make BBQ!

If you're not an Aussie, you don't know how to BBQ lol!

by **HotParadox** Mon Jun 01, 2009 8:15 pm

CarolinaHound wrote:If you aint from Carolina you don't know how to make BBQ!

you're just jealous that you're on the wrong team. Very Happy

by **HotParadox** Mon Jun 01, 2009 8:18 pm

Kazza wrote:
CarolinaHound wrote:If you aint from Carolina you don't know how to make BBQ!

If you're not an Aussie, you don't know how to BBQ

oh ya, you guys do have it down pat. i've read some articles on aussie grilling and it sounds like a national obsession, in a good way.

by **CarolinaHound** Mon Jun 01, 2009 9:46 pm

Sound like fightin' words to me! Very Happy

by **Peregrine(Endangered)** Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:16 pm

coontie wrote:
Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:We start most of our plants inside from seeds....but in Louisiana, you can sow them directly into the garden...cheaper than buying plants....give it a try next time. a yellow pepper at the supermarket is $2.79#...mine will be less than $.50#...that looks like a savings

I do sow some of my seeds for plants... I wanted to try three new varities of Tomatos, so I planted these in vermiculite in peat cups in a starter planting area I prepared. WHen they emerged to about three inch plants I transplanted them. With many things though, I juist have to buy the plants as I have so much other things to deal with that I lose out on getting things going early enough to get plants from seed before the season is over. I did have good luck with Collards and Turnips planted from seed. We ate quite a bit from that. I understand that many Northern people don't like eating 'Greens".

Not true for me...we ate alot of collards and turnip greens on the farm. My favorite is actually Chard...Fried Chard to be precise..I eat collards and turnip greens rarely today. I still use Chard alot.

by coontie Mon Jun 01, 2009 11:12 pm

Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:
coontie wrote:
Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:We start most of our plants inside from seeds....but in Louisiana, you can sow them directly into the garden...cheaper than buying plants....give it a try next time. a yellow pepper at the supermarket is $2.79#...mine will be less than $.50#...that looks like a savings

I do sow some of my seeds for plants... I wanted to try three new varities of Tomatos, so I planted these in vermiculite in peat cups in a starter planting area I prepared. WHen they emerged to about three inch plants I transplanted them. With many things though, I juist have to buy the plants as I have so much other things to deal with that I lose out on getting things going early enough to get plants from seed before the season is over. I did have good luck with Collards and Turnips planted from seed. We ate quite a bit from that. I understand that many Northern people don't like eating 'Greens".

Not true for me...we ate alot of collards and turnip greens on the farm. My favorite is actually Chard...Fried Chard to be precise..I eat collards and turnip greens rarely today. I still use Chard alot.

I've raised some chard before; the varieties that have the yellow and red and orange stalks and red veined leaves. They are really beautiful plants. I can't say that I lke eating them very well. They seem sort of tough and the flavor, to me is the same as beet greens. I like these occasionally, but not really that excited about them.
The curly leafed chard is really tough to me. For some reason, this seems like the vegetable of the day all of the time for Vegans.

by **Old Timer** Tue Jun 02, 2009 7:42 am

CarolinaHound wrote:Sound like fightin' words to me!

I aint never surrendered yet and have no plans to. Ya just don't know how stubborn a Missouri mule can be, yet. Razz

by coontie Tue Jun 02, 2009 8:30 am

Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:
coontie wrote:
Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:We start most of our plants inside from seeds....but in Louisiana, you can sow them directly into the garden...cheaper than buying plants....give it a try next time. a yellow pepper at the supermarket is $2.79#...mine will be less than $.50#...that looks like a savings

I do sow some of my seeds for plants... I wanted to try three new varities of Tomatos, so I planted these in vermiculite in peat cups in a starter planting area I prepared. WHen they emerged to about three inch plants I transplanted them. With many things though, I juist have to buy the plants as I have so much other things to deal with that I lose out on getting things going early enough to get plants from seed before the season is over. I did have good luck with Collards and Turnips planted from seed. We ate quite a bit from that. I understand that many Northern people don't like eating 'Greens".

Not true for me...we ate alot of collards and turnip greens on the farm. My favorite is actually Chard...Fried Chard to be precise..I eat collards and turnip greens rarely today. I still use Chard alot.

Please gove me a recipe for how you prepare chard [fried]- thanks!
Also, I mentioned buying plants. But the growers have really gottenn expensive with their cost now. I suppose because of higher fuel prices... I imagine you have noticed the petroleum companies have raised their prices again in anticipation of people's summer traveling. One thing for sure, they weren't affected by the downturn in the economy.

by Big Slick Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:03 am

Old Timer wrote:
If you actually think that is how I would do it, hehehehehe This old timer really don't need any tips as HP can attest to as she has tried some of my own recipes. And buddy I will match my BBQ ribs or whatever against anybodys at anytime as well as I would match my lasagna against HP's or anyones but that takes me three days to cook. and this here old man is a good old boy from southern Missouri that has been displaced.

We can throw down anytime you're ready old man. Smoked brisket, ribs, pork shoulder, turkey, whatever you like. I aint scared of Misery BBQ. Still too far north, yankee. Dog boy, you're next...

by Big Slick Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:15 am

CarolinaHound wrote:If you aint from Carolina you don't know how to make BBQ!

Oh c'mon now. You call vinegar BBQ and cole slaw with no mayo real BBQ? Real BBQ is sweet, not tart with vinegar. What's wrong with you Carolinans? You guys are still amature up there. Still cooking pork. Pork is easy, it gets tender easily. Down here in Texas, we cook beef. We take the toughest cut of meat, the brisket, and slow smoke it until it's more tender than filet mignon. Then we don't ruin the meat with vinegar, we take a smooth tomato based sauce and season it with brown sugar, little chile pepper, and a couple other spices (don't want to give away all of my secrets) and make a sweet bbq sauce that just glazes the meat at the end of cooking.

Oh yea, and our cole slaw is made with mayo like it should be. And we don't eat hush puppies with our bbq either. Save those for the sea food. BBQ is served with cole slaw, potato salad, baked beans, and corn bread.

CH, just out of curiosity, what kind of wood do you guys use up there?

by Big Slick Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:18 am

Kazza wrote:
CarolinaHound wrote:If you aint from Carolina you don't know how to make BBQ!

If you're not an Aussie, you don't know how to BBQ

Kazza, I can't slam you guys for your bbq because I've never had it. So tell me about it. What kind of meat do you guys use? Kangaroo? (Sorry, couldn't help it)

Dry rub or wet marinade?
Sweet sauce or bitter vinegar?
What kind of wood?
Smoked meat or grilled?
What kind of sides do y'all fix with it?

by **HotParadox** Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:27 am

Old Timer wrote:
HotParadox wrote:
Big Slick wrote:
Old Timer wrote:BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill
Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.... AINT THAT THE TRUTH.

OT, I don't know how you guys do it up there in WHY-oming. But down here in Texas, where we make REAL BBQ...I shop for my own meat. I season my own meat, because I want to make sure it's done right. Then I start the pit early in the morning so I can slow smoke my meat for hours. No one tells me my meat is burning. No one else is allowed to touch it. Then when I take it off the grill 4-8 hours later (depending what it is), it's fall off the bone tender.

That's how real Texans make real BBQ. You ever want some tips let me know and I'll PM you.
oh man, i'm glad we're on the same cook-off team. you rock ...don't give ot any tips till we win this thing.

If you actually think that is how I would do it, hehehehehe This old timer really don't need any tips as HP can attest to as she has tried some of my own recipes. And buddy I will match my BBQ ribs or whatever against anybodys at anytime as well as I would match my lasagna against HP's or anyones but that takes me three days to cook. and this here old man is a good old boy from southern Missouri that has been displaced.

that's freaking hilarious.

by **Peregrine(Endangered)** Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:39 am

coontie wrote:
Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:
coontie wrote:
Peregrine(Endangered) wrote:We start most of our plants inside from seeds....but in Louisiana, you can sow them directly into the garden...cheaper than buying plants....give it a try next time. a yellow pepper at the supermarket is $2.79#...mine will be less than $.50#...that looks like a savings

I do sow some of my seeds for plants... I wanted to try three new varities of Tomatos, so I planted these in vermiculite in peat cups in a starter planting area I prepared. WHen they emerged to about three inch plants I transplanted them. With many things though, I juist have to buy the plants as I have so much other things to deal with that I lose out on getting things going early enough to get plants from seed before the season is over. I did have good luck with Collards and Turnips planted from seed. We ate quite a bit from that. I understand that many Northern people don't like eating 'Greens".

Not true for me...we ate alot of collards and turnip greens on the farm. My favorite is actually Chard...Fried Chard to be precise..I eat collards and turnip greens rarely today. I still use Chard alot.

Please gove me a recipe for how you prepare chard [fried]- thanks!
Also, I mentioned buying plants. But the growers have really gottenn expensive with their cost now. I suppose because of higher fuel prices... I imagine you have noticed the petroleum companies have raised their prices again in anticipation of people's summer traveling. One thing for sure, they weren't affected by the downturn in the economy.

Check the Recipe thread...I just added one...plants are expensive now...go seeds

by **CarolinaHound** Tue Jun 02, 2009 12:16 pm

Big Slick wrote:
CarolinaHound wrote:If you aint from Carolina you don't know how to make BBQ!

Oh c'mon now. You call vinegar BBQ and cole slaw with no mayo real BBQ? Real BBQ is sweet, not tart with vinegar. What's wrong with you Carolinans? You guys are still amature up there. Still cooking pork. Pork is easy, it gets tender easily. Down here in Texas, we cook beef. We take the toughest cut of meat, the brisket, and slow smoke it until it's more tender than filet mignon. Then we don't ruin the meat with vinegar, we take a smooth tomato based sauce and season it with brown sugar, little chile pepper, and a couple other spices (don't want to give away all of my secrets) and make a sweet bbq sauce that just glazes the meat at the end of cooking.

Oh yea, and our cole slaw is made with mayo like it should be. And we don't eat hush puppies with our bbq either. Save those for the sea food. BBQ is served with cole slaw, potato salad, baked beans, and corn bread.

CH, just out of curiosity, what kind of wood do you guys use up there?

We do like our vinager. SCORE ONE FOR US GUYS JSgrin

It's good for what ailes ya. lol Everybody up here has their own recipe for the sauce, which we baste the meat with as we cook it, then put some to the side so people can add what they want to the meat as they eat it. At least that's the way everybody I know does it. I like to make my sauce a little sweeter than most folks around here do to tone down the vinager.

Unfortunatly most people now use gas pig cookers. You may as well throw it in the oven if you use gas imo. The true carolina bbq is cooked with hickory. But the best I ever cooked was done in a pit I threw together with some cinder blocks and bricks that were laying around. Our house sits next to a clay hill, not that orange clay but the blue/grey muddy glay, I dug into that and built up, used a oven rack to put the shoulder on and covered it with an old metal wash tub. Started the fire with oak and let it burn down to mostly coals and then layed the shoulder ont the rack and covered it. It started getting cold and I was out of oak so I threw some grreen wild cherry wood from a tree I'd cut a couple days before. Just because it was handy. Man that put a flavor in the meat you wouldn't believe.

We cook beef too but not as much, for that I definatly use a sweet sauce with a bit of fire added from just the right amount of hot pepper. I made deer bbq once that made a Texan cry, he told me later he had been contemplating drinking a fire extinquiser. But I just did that because of his bragging about how us wussies in Carolina couldn't handle hot peppers. Not only can I be a smartass, but a pure asshole at times. SCORE ONE FOR US GUYS Snicker

by Big Slick Tue Jun 02, 2009 12:37 pm

CarolinaHound wrote:
Big Slick wrote:
CarolinaHound wrote:If you aint from Carolina you don't know how to make BBQ!

Oh c'mon now. You call vinegar BBQ and cole slaw with no mayo real BBQ? Real BBQ is sweet, not tart with vinegar. What's wrong with you Carolinans? You guys are still amature up there. Still cooking pork. Pork is easy, it gets tender easily. Down here in Texas, we cook beef. We take the toughest cut of meat, the brisket, and slow smoke it until it's more tender than filet mignon. Then we don't ruin the meat with vinegar, we take a smooth tomato based sauce and season it with brown sugar, little chile pepper, and a couple other spices (don't want to give away all of my secrets) and make a sweet bbq sauce that just glazes the meat at the end of cooking.

Oh yea, and our cole slaw is made with mayo like it should be. And we don't eat hush puppies with our bbq either. Save those for the sea food. BBQ is served with cole slaw, potato salad, baked beans, and corn bread.

CH, just out of curiosity, what kind of wood do you guys use up there?

We do like our vinager. It's good for what ailes ya. lol Everybody up here has their own recipe for the sauce, which we baste the meat with as we cook it, then put some to the side so people can add what they want to the meat as they eat it. At least that's the way everybody I know does it. I like to make my sauce a little sweeter than most folks around here do to tone down the vinager.

Unfortunatly most people now use gas pig cookers. You may as well throw it in the oven if you use gas imo. The true carolina bbq is cooked with hickory. But the best I ever cooked was done in a pit I threw together with some cinder blocks and bricks that were laying around. Our house sits next to a clay hill, not that orange clay but the blue/grey muddy glay, I dug into that and built up, used a oven rack to put the shoulder on and covered it with an old metal wash tub. Started the fire with oak and let it burn down to mostly coals and then layed the shoulder ont the rack and covered it. It started getting cold and I was out of oak so I threw some grreen wild cherry wood from a tree I'd cut a couple days before. Just because it was handy. Man that put a flavor in the meat you wouldn't believe.

We cook beef too but not as much, for that I definatly use a sweet sauce with a bit of fire added from just the right amount of hot pepper. I made deer bbq once that made a Texan cry, he told me later he had been contemplating drinking a fire extinquiser. But I just did that because of his bragging about how us wussies in Carolina couldn't handle hot peppers. Not only can I be a smartass, but a pure asshole at times.

LOL...why is BBQ such a sensitive subject? I guess you just don't mess with a man's BBQ...

I agree with you about the pig cookers. why would you gas a pig or any meat for that matter? That's just plain blasphemous. I use a big grill with a smoke box on the side. You make your fire in the smoke box and your meat never comes into contact with your fire, just the smoke. I usually use pecan to smoke my meat. I've got 4 big pecan trees around my house so I never run out of cookin' wood. I like mesquite too. You can find mequite trees growing wild everywhere around here. Just go get you a saw and cut some. I've never cooked with green wood like you were saying, I've always heard it puts a funny taste from the sap fumes.

I know everybody cooks their BBQ different but I don't baste any sauce on the meat while it's cooking. I wait until about the last hour and then rub it on so it gives it a nice sticky glaze but doesn't make it saucy. Then you serve it with a side of sauce for dippin.

I poke fun with people but I like all bbq and every region has a distinct taste. If you ever go to Memphis, you need to go to a place called Rendezvous, awesome Memphis bbq. If ever in Texas, go to the Salt Lick in Austin or Sonny Bryans in Dallas.

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