FUNNY NEWSPAPER Headlines, Articles, Clippings, Ads and Misprints

As if the ad weren't weird enough, he submits his photo, too. The ladies will not be answering this ad any time soon, I guarantee you.

HotParadox wrote:As if the ad weren't weird enough, he submits his photo, too. The ladies will not be answering this ad any time soon, I guarantee you.

Wow! That is the very first pompadour/mullet that I ever seen! ROTFL!

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
As helpers or as ingredients??

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Rather draconian punishment.

Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
Not in a prison?

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Pretty severe anatomical problem

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
No accounting for tastes!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Hope the vet's wife doesn't mind.

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Well, that nice. Leave a little breakfast behind.

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Presumably this was supposed to mean that the teachers were on strike, thus causing children to be idle, but maybe teachers have finally had it with lazy students. Hmmmmm.

Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Trees make very good detectives.

Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
Well, there never was much truth, was there?

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
If all else fails.

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Well, yes indeed. Any plane that crashes is too close to the ground.

War Dims Hope for Peace
Can't think of anything less likely to give one expectations of peace.

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
It goes without saying.

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
homicide [US] = murder [UK] . If s.o. is slain , they are killed.

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
to belt up = put your seat belt on. But to belt s.o. - beat s.o.

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Not physically, I hope.

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Enough said. lol

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
You can be sentenced twice but can't die twice.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
What else?!

Deer Kill 17,000
7,000 deer culled, makes better sense. Deer are not man-eaters.....are they? Revenge of the deer?

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Hope it is strong enough!

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Really? Most people in a cemetary are dead anyway aren't they? What am I missing?

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
The lightening was not sufficient to charge his battery? lol

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
What....they need people weighing more?

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Presumably he did not connect the supply properly....or something. Maybe not.

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
But one really should not eat children.

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood.
Not much use soliciting people who are dead!

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
It would be a draconian punishment.

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Well what's the point of being vaccinated then?

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Perhaps they can't find scrubs to wear with long enough legs.

Eye drops off shelf
Ewwwww-gross.

Squad helps dog bite victim
Ithink they have their priorties confused there.

Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Hmmm, just what men drivers need...a car telling them how to drive when their wives are not passengers.

Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
NO MORE HAMBURGER!

Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Be very afraid to visit Mexican lawmen at home.

Miners refuse to work after death
I probably wouldn't work after I died either.

Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Which ship died?

Two sisters reunited after eighteen years at checkout counter
I have waited in some long check out lines, but man, that takes the cake!

Put It Out There Baby wrote:

HotParadox wrote:As if the ad weren't weird enough, he submits his photo, too. The ladies will not be answering this ad any time soon, I guarantee you.

Wow! That is the very first pompadour/mullet that I ever seen! ROTFL!

Well that guy is nuts. I'll say one thing if you could travel back in time, why would you want to bring weapons? I mean if I could go back in time I would just observe, though even that seems a waste of time per-say as what has happened has happened. So what is advantage of going back in time?

If you were going back in time a mullet would probably not be the best haircut to have, at any time. LOL.

I know you guys! How funny is that mullet!!!

Here's a mullet for your viewing displeasure and I don't want to know anything else about this guy other than he's sporting a fierce mullet. lol

Put It Out There Baby wrote:Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
As helpers or as ingredients??

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Ya think?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Rather draconian punishment.

Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
Not in a prison?

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Pretty severe anatomical problem

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
No accounting for tastes!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Hope the vet's wife doesn't mind.

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Well, that nice. Leave a little breakfast behind.

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Presumably this was supposed to mean that the teachers were on strike, thus causing children to be idle, but maybe teachers have finally had it with lazy students. Hmmmmm.

Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Trees make very good detectives.

Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
Well, there never was much truth, was there?

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
If all else fails.

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Well, yes indeed. Any plane that crashes is too close to the ground.

War Dims Hope for Peace
Can't think of anything less likely to give one expectations of peace.

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
It goes without saying.

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
homicide [US] = murder [UK] . If s.o. is slain , they are killed.

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
to belt up = put your seat belt on. But to belt s.o. - beat s.o.

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Not physically, I hope.

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Enough said. lol

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
You can be sentenced twice but can't die twice.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
What else?!

Deer Kill 17,000
7,000 deer culled, makes better sense. Deer are not man-eaters.....are they? Revenge of the deer?

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Hope it is strong enough!

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Really? Most people in a cemetary are dead anyway aren't they? What am I missing?

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
The lightening was not sufficient to charge his battery? lol

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
What....they need people weighing more?

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Presumably he did not connect the supply properly....or something. Maybe not.

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
But one really should not eat children.

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood.
Not much use soliciting people who are dead!

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
It would be a draconian punishment.

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Well what's the point of being vaccinated then?

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Perhaps they can't find scrubs to wear with long enough legs.

Eye drops off shelf
Ewwwww-gross.

Squad helps dog bite victim
Ithink they have their priorties confused there.

Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Hmmm, just what men drivers need...a car telling them how to drive when their wives are not passengers.

Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
NO MORE HAMBURGER!

Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Be very afraid to visit Mexican lawmen at home.

Miners refuse to work after death
I probably wouldn't work after I died either.

Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Which ship died?

Two sisters reunited after eighteen years at checkout counter
I have waited in some long check out lines, but man, that takes the cake!

Too funny! These are hysterical!

What woman in the world finds this attractive??? I've never seen a mullet that long! lol More like a long ponty tail. What kind of job can you hold down looking like that? Scarey. lmao

Put It Out There Baby wrote:What woman in the world finds this attractive??? I've never seen a mullet that long! lol More like a long ponty tail. What kind of job can you hold down looking like that? Scarey. lmao

The dude with the camera around his neck? I don't think he's into attracting women, if you know what I mean. lol

How callous can you be?



*******************

Either a simple misprint or this dude seriously looks like his dog:

HotParadox wrote:

Put It Out There Baby wrote:What woman in the world finds this attractive??? I've never seen a mullet that long! lol More like a long ponty tail. What kind of job can you hold down looking like that? Scarey. lmao

The dude with the camera around his neck? I don't think he's into attracting women, if you know what I mean. lol

oooohhhhh. lol

Here are some funny craigslist ads... lol.

From the personals

How do I know you’re out there?

Let’s begin with that ad of mine that you recently responded to, shall we? You know the one I’m talking about. It was entitled, Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me? m4w–22 That ad ran for three days before I got a response, and I can’t tell you, Mom, how my heart fell when I saw the photo that accompanied the response. It was your Realtor’s headshot, the one on your business card. Even worse was the text of your response. I’m so, so sorry I know now what you’d do to me if we ever hooked up. On the other hand, Dad must’ve been a very, very lucky guy back in the day. I dunno, maybe he still is.

I guess, Mom, when I think a bit about it, that I should resign myself to whatever it is that you are doing. After all, you’re an adult and I’m an adult. I can’t tell you what you should do with your life.

But Mom, I’d like to raise a few points.

The first point I’d like to raise is that you’re still married to Dad. Please, please PLEASE tell me that you have his blessing. My mind is reeling now, hoping that you’re not the people who posted Fun Couple Looking For Others MW4MW57 I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that it is you. Now that I know you’re cruising CE, I suspect that there aren’t too many other 57 year old swingers from the Westlake area posting on Craigslist.

The second point I’d like to raise is that you owe it to whoever you’re trying to hook up with to be honest. I mean, I lived with you and Dad for 18 years. You’re not that fun.

Finally, I’d like you to stop responding to my College Stud Needs a MILF m4w22 ads. The only one who should find you to be MILF-y at all is Dad. For me, you are just an “M”. Got it?

Your son.

PS. I’m going to swing by at around 7-7:30-ish to do a load of wash, is that okay? I tried to call you at the office, but they kept telling me that you’re busy.

And here is one for a dishwasher lol...

I have an almond-colored KitchenAid dishwasher free for parts/repair, you haul. No manual, it runs but doesn’t really clean dishes, they still come out dirty. It’s probably 15-20 years old and annoyingly heavy. It rolls (like all dishwashers do) but you might want to bring a dolly anyway. Or a strong friend. Or be extra-strong yourself. The end goal is to get this thing out of my garage. It might be ‘valuable’ for scrap or parts, who knows what happiness this old dishwasher might bring you.

The photo: The dishwasher sitting on it’s head, upside down. I thought about turning it right-side-up for the picture but realized showing it ‘as-is’ would give you a better realization of the hot mess you’re getting yourself into.

If you come take the dishwasher away I will throw in a bag of pulled pork that was smoked for 13 hours this past weekend and 1/2 a dozen homemade cookies, no joke.We are busy people who installed our new dishwasher DIY-style and never want to deal with the old dishwasher again, and you are a dishwasherless hungry person who needs some meat for your sandwich and cookies for your dessert. It’s a storybook ending waiting to happen. . .

Email me through craigslist and put something unique in the subject line of your email so I know you’re a human-being and not spambot. And no, ’smoked pulled pork’ is not code for a craigslist hook-up, I truly have delicious meat and cookies to offer in this exchange.

OMG the one from the son...ouch! Mommy got caught good!

Oh that's funny!

LMAO! That is awesome. I'm showing my husband that.

OMG N-R! That is crazy-funny, lol!!!