Top 10 Conservative Idiots

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 359

March 2, 2009
Jindal All The Way Edition

This week Bobby Jindal (1) learns some valuable lessons about public speaking, Rush Limbaugh (2) can no longer button his shirt all the way up, and Samuel "Joe The Plumber" Wurzelbacher (3) is STILL FINDING WAYS TO GET ONTO MY &%@*#% LIST. Elsewhere, Michael Steele (7) is leading the GOP to the promised land - he's just forgotten to mention that they'll have to spend forty years in the desert first. Enjoy, and don't forget the key - we have a few new icons this week!



1-Bobby Jindal

Last week President Barack Obama gave a masterful address to the nation in which he laid out his vision for economic recovery. But never mind that! The real story was the national debut of Lousiana governor Bobby Jindal, who was chosen to give the GOP rebuttal to the president's speech. What an excellent opportunity for Jindal to introduce himself to the nation as a possible presidential contender in 2012. So let's go straight to the reviews!


From the blogosphere to the 24-hour cable news networks to the steps of the state Capitol, the reaction to Gov. Bobby Jindal's 10-minute address to the country Tuesday night was hardly what the lifelong A student has come to expect.

Critics from the left and the right said Jindal's delivery was too slow and condescending, and that the content failed to deliver a new vision for a party that has been battered at the polls in two elections.


It was billed as a "coming out party" for one of the GOP's most promising young stars.

But after nearly universal criticism was heaped on Gov. Bobby Jindal's high-profile response to President Obama's address to Congress Tuesday night, the Louisiana Republican may be wishing he had stayed home.

The criticisms came from all sides of the political spectrum, including from those in conservative circles who have promoted the 36-year-old governor as the GOP's most likely advocate to bring the party back from the brink of irrelevance.

Bummer... so who's going to bring the party back from the brink of irrelevance now? Nobody? Oh well.

It wasn't just Jindal's delivery that got him into hot water. During the speech, he took a pot-shot at Democrats by mocking the fact that "volcano monitoring" was included in the economic stimulus bill. Now there's an issue that should strike a chord with the American people. Volcano monitoring.

Unfortunately it turns out that Jindal's remarks weren't that popular with folks who actually have to, you know, live near volcanoes. According to CNN:


Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal's swipe at federal spending to monitor volcanoes has the mayor of one city in the shadow of Mount St. Helens fuming.

"Does the governor have a volcano in his backyard?" Royce Pollard, the mayor of Vancouver, Washington, said on Wednesday. "We have one that's very active, and it still rumbles and spits and coughs very frequently."

(snip)

The USGS, which received the money Jindal criticized, is monitoring several active volcanoes across the Pacific Northwest, Alaska and Hawaii. One of those is Mount St. Helens, about 70 miles north of Vancouver, Washington, and neighboring Portland, Oregon.

The volcano killed 57 people when it erupted in 1980 and sputters back into action periodically, most recently in late 2004 and early 2005, when it sent plumes of steam and ash thousands of feet into the air.

USGS researchers are also keeping a close eye on Alaska's Mount Redoubt volcano, about 100 miles from Anchorage, which is predicted to go off again within a few months. Its last eruption, in 1989, disrupted air traffic and forced down a commercial jet that sucked ash into its engines.

But who cares about all that. Surely if there's one person who knows better than anyone how stupid and pointless it is to monitor for potential natural disasters, it's the governor of Louisiana.

Meanwhile Jindal was busy fending off the fact-checkers, who stumbled upon this inconvenient truth about an anecdote he told during the speech:


Remember that story Bobby Jindal told in his big speech Tuesday night -- about how during Katrina, he stood shoulder-to-shoulder with a local sheriff who was battling government red tape to try to rescue stranded victims?

Turns out it wasn't actually, you know, true.

(snip)

Jindal had described being in the office of Sheriff Harry Lee "during Katrina," and hearing him yelling into the phone at a government bureaucrat who was refusing to let him send volunteer boats out to rescue stranded storm victims, because they didn't have the necessary permits. Jindal said he told Lee, "that's ridiculous," prompting Lee to tell the bureaucrat that the rescue effort would go ahead and he or she could arrest both Lee and Jindal.

But now, a Jindal spokeswoman has admitted to Politico that in reality, Jindal overheard Lee talking about the episode to someone else by phone "days later." The spokeswoman said she thought Lee, who died in 2007, was being interviewed about the incident at the time.

So to recap: Bobby Jindal is a patronising, uncharismatic dork who used his big moment in the sun to ramble on about volcano monitoring and tell a story that was proven within hours to be a complete fabrication.

And he's still the best the GOP has to offer in 2012!



2-Rush Limbaugh

Two weeks ago Limbaugh compared Democrats to murderers and rapists - last week he was in Washington DC headlining the annual wingnut shindig CPAC (which this year stands for "Conservative Prospects Are Collapsing").

The air was thick with questions. Is Limbaugh now the de facto head of the Republican Party? Should he be? Will Democrats be able to use this to their advantage, or will Limbaugh get the better of them?

Big questions indeed - but they were a mere trifle compared to the one dangling from everyone's lips during Limbaugh's performance...

Who says conservatives can't be sexy?

Political speech or Abercrombie & Fitch commercial? You be the judge.



3-Samuel "Joe The Plumber" Wurzelbacher

Speaking of GOP sexbombs: On this week's episode of "As The Plumber Turns," the Washington Post reports from Joe's book signing at Border's in Washington DC. Make sure to have a box of tissues handy - it's a real tearjerker.


About 11 people wandered into the rows of seats set up hopefully in the basement of a downtown Border's bookstore to hear Joe speak. Joe addressed them from behind a lectern and with a microphone, but that seemed unnecessarily formal.

(snip)

Wurzelbacher was scheduled to speak and sign books for three hours, but the Joe Show was over in 55 minutes. Total copies of "Joe the Plumber" sold: five.

It's okay though - Joe has a backup plan in case nobody buys his books.


Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher said Wednesday he might run for Congress one day. But if he won, his colleagues might need to wear headgear to the House floor.

"I'd probably be in jail more often than I'd be on the Hill for slapping some member," said Wurzelbacher at a lunchtime discussion at Americans for Tax Reform. "And that's not (bull) either."

I see... so he's going to get elected to Congress, then start randomly assaulting people until he's thrown in jail.

And if that doesn't work?


ThinkProgress asked Joe at CPAC yesterday which members he would most like to slap. "Pretty much anybody that's stood there and said anything bad about our troops, pretty much anybody who sat there and talked treasonous talk about America," Joe said.

He then implied that some members of Congress should be shot:

"Back in the day, really, when people would talk about our military in a poor way, somebody would shoot 'em. And there'd be nothing said about that, because they knew it was wrong. You don't talk about our troops. You support our troops. Especially when our congressmen and senators sit there and say bad things in an ongoing conflict."

Right... murder it is then.



4-Michelle Bachmann

When RNC chairman Michael Steele announced recently that the GOP needs a "hip-hop makeover," reaction among most traditional conservatives looked something like this:

But at least some conservatives are game to try new things, like Rep. Michelle Bachmann of Minnesota. After Steele's speech to CPAC last week, she tried to impress the new RNC chief by addressing him in what she must have assumed was his native language: Ebonics.

As he concluded his remarks, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann - the event's moderator - told Steele he was "da man."

"Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man," she said.

With that funky-fresh attitude it's surely only a matter of time before conservatism comes roaring back.



5-Hi-Caliber

Paging Michael Steele! You wanted more hip-hop in Republican politics? Allow me to introduce Republican rapper, "Hi-Caliber," who was busting rhymes at CPAC last week. According to the Daily Beast:

The Conservative Political Action Conference always produces a breakout star. This year's winner: a hip-hop artist whose artistic inspirations include Nancy Pelosi.

I met the world's first self-proclaimed "Republican rapper" on the second day of the 2009 Conservative Political Action Conference. He is Hi-Caliber, a former construction worker from New Jersey who told me that after just 10 minutes of listening to right-wing radio shock jock Michael Savage ranting about "Islamofascism" and illegal immigration, his "whole views on the world changed." Now Hi-Caliber records inspired battle anthems against President Barack Obama, who he denounces as a "socialist in the White House;" he attacks Nancy Pelosi as "phony baloney;" assails the liberal media; calls for a border fence; and warns darkly of the Fairness Doctrine.

Let's get our first look at Hi-Caliber, shown here on the left.
Hang on a minute - isn't that Joe the Plumber?

6-Jim Bunning

77-year-old Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) is a real thorn in the side of the Republican Party these days. He won re-election in 2004 by just 1.4 percent over his Democratic challenger, and the GOP are thinking about running a stronger candidate in 2010. But not so fast! According to Bluegrass Politics last week:


Sen. Jim Bunning is vowing to fight back as his feud with Republican leadership over his 2010 re-election bid spills into the national political scene.

If Republican campaign organizations tried to recruit another candidate to run in Bunning's stead, "I would have a suit against the (National Republican Senatorial Committee) if they did that," Bunning told reporters on Tuesday. "In their bylaws, support of the incumbents is the only reason they exist."

That's right folks - the GOP's grand unraveling has now reached the stage where their own incumbent senators are threatening to sue the NRSC.

Does anyone know if it's possible to overdose on schadenfreude?



7-Michael Steele

More from the Circular Firing Squad Files: RNC chief Michael Steele recently revealed that he is "open to withholding RNC funds from the three GOP Senators who backed President Obama's stimulus package."

Actually, what he specifically said when asked by Neil Cavuto if he was open to withholding the funds was, "Oh, yes, I'm always open to everything, baby, absolutely." Turns out that Steele isn't just the first black head of the RNC, he's also the world's best black Austin Powers impersonator.

Unfortunately it turns out that Republicans who are concerned about silly stuff like, oh, actually winning elections, are not too keen on Michael's punishment plan for senators who don't pass his rigid ideological litmus tests. According to Talking Points Memo:


Michael Steele's back-and-forth flirtation with possible primary challenges to the party's pro-stimulus Republicans is now causing him to catch some real flak. And it's not just from those same Republican, but also from conservatives concerned about winning elections -- perhaps indicative of internal strains in the GOP between a hard-line conservative agenda, versus the basic electoral goal of winning office.

Senator Olympia Snowe (R-ME), a pro-stimulus Republican who will be up for re-election in 2012, told Roll Call that she approached Steele about his comments and asked him bluntly: "You didn't really mean that, did you?" She said that Steele has agreed to set up a meeting with the three pro-stimulus GOPers to discuss this.

(snip)

And NRSC chairman John Cornyn, a right-winger whose job description right now is quite simply to elect more Republicans, said that while Steele has backed off a bit, Republicans should focus on attacking the Democrats and not each other: "We need to be finding candidates that can win in different parts of the country ... not forming circular firing squads, especially when our numbers are so small."

But it's okay because Michael Steele has an ace up his sleeve - a winning argument, guaranteed to capture the hearts and minds of the American people and return them to the conservative fold. Here it is:


Steele, addressing CPAC's Presidential Banquet, told the audience that "the conservative movement must become a revolution," and the goal "must be nothing less than the transformation of America."

"Tonight, we tell America that Republican values, conservative values, are right for America," he said, admitting that the party has made some mistakes. "Tonight, we tell America: we know the past, we know we did wrong. My bad."

Pure genius. Let's test Steele's strategy and see how it works in real life situations.

Spilled some coffee on the floor. My bad!

Accidentally reversed into your car while parallel parking. My bad!

Failed to stop the 9/11 attacks. My bad!

Got thousands of American soldiers killed looking for weapons of mass destruction that didn't exist. My bad!

Sat back and did nothing while an entire city drowned. My bad!

Sent the nation spiralling into a new Great Depression. My bad!

It's a guaranteed winner, I'm telling you.



8-Sarah Palin

Shocking news from Camp Palin last week! In case you missed it...


The mainstream media made it a mission to destroy the vice presidential candidacy of Sarah Palin, the Alaska governor says in a new documentary released Monday.

Hmm. Really? You're still complaining about that? Hey, I hear Joe the Plumber is looking for work - why don't you two team up and start a club for irrelevant people.


"We are going to seek and we are going to destroy this candidacy of Sarah Palin's because of what it is that she represents," the former vice presidential candidate described as...

Oh, STFU already. Somebody please wake me up when she's got something new to whine about.



9-Dean Grose

Last week Dean Grose, the Mayor of Los Alamitos, CA, sent the following image out to a group of friends with the title "No Easter egg hunt this year."





Now, you may be wondering how the email came to light if Grose only sent it to his friends, who are presumably just as racist as he is. Turns out that Grose is not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed...


Local businesswoman and city volunteer Keyanus Price, who is black, said Tuesday she received the e-mail from Mayor Dean Grose's personal account on Sunday and wants a public apology.

"I have had plenty of my share of chicken and watermelon and all those kinds of jokes," Price told The Associated Press. "I honestly don't even understand where he was coming from, sending this to me. As a black person receiving something like this from the city-freakin'-mayor - come on."

Well played, sir! But if you need more evidence that Dean Grose is a bumbling halfwit with a sack full of shit where his brain should be, try this:


Grose confirmed to the AP that he sent the e-mail to Price and said he didn't mean to offend her. He said he was unaware of the racial stereotype that black people like watermelons.

He what?! Um, then why did he think the picture was worth forwarding in the first place? Ha ha! No Easter egg hunt this year because somebody planted watermelons on the White House lawn! It's funny because all that fruit - which was randomly selected and is in no way intended as a racial slur against the president - is in the way. Get it?



The Best Of The Rest

And finally: They're mad! They're bad! They're going to dangle their balls in America's face! Stand aside for Operation Teabag, brought to you courtesy of the brain trust over at Free Republic. Speaking of teabagging, Rick Santelli's recent "improptu" outburst live on CNBC caused quite a stir - the former fat cat financial executive called for a "Chicago Tea Party" to say, in essence, "Hey, government - stop trying to be the solution instead of the problem!" So, Rick - care to explain your extensive ties to the right-wing astroturf machine?

Meanwhile the merry band of Republicans who are now praising the stimulus package after refusing to vote for it continued to grow last week - according to the New York Times:


Jennifer Crider, a spokeswoman for the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, called the unlikely chorus of praise from Mr. Mica and other Republican lawmakers "the height of hypocrisy."

Rusty Roberts, chief of staff to Mr. Mica, disagreed. "Certainly it's possible to oppose the entire bill on principle and favor certain sections of it," Mr. Roberts said."

Rusty Roberts? Shiver me timbers.

Elsewhere, Norm Coleman is still desperately clinging to his Senate seat - despite his term officially ending on January 3rd, and despite Al Franken's victory almost all but assured at this point, Coleman is still attending meetings of the Senate Republican Conference. Keep on living the dream, Norm.

Not quite had enough yet? These three might finish you off: According to Mother Jones, John Bolton told a CPAC audience that, "President Barack Obama might learn a needed lesson if Chicago were destroyed by a nuclear bomb." Meanwhile Sen. Richard Shelby of Alabama said of Barack Obama, "Well his father was Kenyan and they said he was born in Hawaii, but I haven't seen any birth certificate. You have to be born in America to be president." And apparently not sensing the irony, Sen. David Vitter called on Roland Burris to resign for "ethical shortcomings."

Last but not least, former Republican rising star Alan Keyes was doing his part to resuscitate the GOP last week - "Obama is a radical communist and I think it is becoming clear," he said at a fundraiser in Nebraska. "That is what I told people in Illinois and now everybody realizes it is coming true. He is going to destroy this country and we are either going to stop him or the United States of America is going to cease to exist."

He added, "And remember what I told you about Snickers bars! The microchips are in the peanuts!"

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/top10/359

No argument with you Thomas, you just copied an article. Maybe I missed something (don't think so), but how is Sen. Bunning an idiot because he has a feud and possible law suit against the NRSC?? It looks more like he caught them trying to throw him under the bus and he's fighting back. Is he an idiot for fighting back??

I've always held the firm belief that political persuasions have nothing to do with someone being an idiot. I didn't bother to read the article because I honestly don't care, but I'm sure there are plenty of stupid Democrats too.

lisan24 wrote:I've always held the firm belief that political persuasions have nothing to do with someone being an idiot. I didn't bother to read the article because I honestly don't care, but I'm sure there are plenty of stupid Democrats too.

Great post, lisan.

lisan24 wrote:I've always held the firm belief that political persuasions have nothing to do with someone being an idiot. I didn't bother to read the article because I honestly don't care, but I'm sure there are plenty of stupid Democrats too.

Could not agree more.

Threads like this make the forum look more and more like scam.com.

Why is it so hard for some people to simply discuss the philosophy behind certain political beliefs. Instead they have to copy/paste useless dribble that doesn't really mean much of anything to anyone.

Isn't it really great to be in a country that allows you to say what you want to, write what you want to and form your own opinion and voice it if you chose to? Oh sure, we got problems just like anybody else. But ya know, when the chips are all on the table and it is time for the final hand, we will all stand together and take on anybody that tries to say that we can't do the things we do. Just like the siblings of a family re brothers and sisters and cousins et al. We fight. But just like a family, when an outsider tries to but in we become one.

Not always, OT. Not always.

Well I liked the article, Hi-Caliber and #4 made me laugh.

The Democratic Underground may have just made a new fan

Let me add #9 is also hilarious.

HotParadox wrote:Not always, OT. Not always.

When the chips are down I refuse to believe otherwise. Whatever our other affiliations are, We are still all Americans. We have always stood together before and I still believe that we will again.

JReed wrote:

lisan24 wrote:I've always held the firm belief that political persuasions have nothing to do with someone being an idiot. I didn't bother to read the article because I honestly don't care, but I'm sure there are plenty of stupid Democrats too.

Could not agree more.

Threads like this make the forum look more and more like scam.com.

Why is it so hard for some people to simply discuss the philosophy behind certain political beliefs. Instead they have to copy/paste useless dribble that doesn't really mean much of anything to anyone.

Yep, Had to look at the top of the page. I agree with lisan 100%

Perhaps it was intended as light hearted? I don't see the drama.

*shrugs*

Limbaugh leads the way in the idiot department on the Right, hands down.